A Blog About Not Blogging.

 

I decided to answer some of your burning questions as to why I haven't blogged in a while.

So here is my blog about why I haven't been blogging lately.

I want to blog. 

I miss it. 

I like sitting down at the computer and typing some neat story about some grand adventure and making it all cute and happy and sweet and adding a picture.

I enjoy writing and, typically, make time to do it once in a while.

But lately, the words gets stuck on the ends of my finger tips. 

They sit there on the keys, waiting to be typed. 

Yet, I can't follow through to the end.

The notes section of my phone is a chaotic mess of jibberish that gets typed when I wake up at 2 am with an idea or a thought. My thumbs start typing and typing and typing and I'm so happy to get all of that junk out of my head and on to the screen. It's like each word is a tiny little weight being lifted off of me. Then, I stop. I realize that it's 2 am and I'm wide awake and the weights weren't real at all. 

I've sifted through the notes section and tried to make sense of the words. Too many feelings, too many thoughts, too many raw emotions that actually scare the crud out of me. Things that I would like to share with you. 

But I can't. 

Because none of the things that I type ever have an ending. 

They just trail off into the strange abyss of the blogs that just keep going and going and going... 

Sometimes, I start typing and I think to myself, "Oh, I like this. This will be good..."

Then I become distracted and start thinking about how "blog" is such a bizarre word. I wonder who actually invented the term, and if they got credit, and if they made any money because they invented a new word. Who pays people for inventing words? Is there a dictionary committee? If so, what are the qualifications for said committee? Then I sit there and think for 45 minutes of a word that I could invent, which keeps me up way past my bedtime. I typically end up with words that will never exist with definitions that are proven to be useless. Then I realize the reason I was sitting there in the first place was to type a blog, but I only ended up with 5 sentences, 3 fragments, and 4 cat emojis. 

Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. DANGIT. 

Unfortunately, we all go through these spells. Spells of... Nothingness. Unworthiness. Feeling like a lame-o. Wishing you could change a lot of things. Wondering if you should take up kick-boxing to channel that pent up energy that's keeping you up late at night. Ahhh, kick-boxing would be fun. But hard. And I'm too tired to do something hard. 

Sometimes you have to do hard things, though. 

You have to fight through them, and keep treading water. 

Last summer, my good friend Sarah and I spent a lot of time in the pool. Pools are fun and all, but sometimes, you get tired of all the floating and whatnot. To entertain ourselves, we'd tread water. After that got to be boring, we challenged ourselves by treading water with just our arms, or just our legs, OR.. while holding a brick over our head. (And now that I'm typing this, I'm realizing how strange Sarah and I are. Oh well. Our calf muscles are probably really great from all the water treading. And our stamina. And determination. Definitely a win-win.) It took us a couple of warm up rounds before we could hold the brick above our heads and kick our legs furiously for the whole minute without taking a break. But once we figured it out, we got quite the thrill from accomplishing the "brick over the head" challenge. 

Well, that's how I feel right now. 

I feel like I'm treading water in the deep end holding a brick over my head. 

I know, eventually, I will get to put the brick down and reach for the side of the pool. 

All will be okay, and I can catch my breath. 

But until then, I'm treading water. 

So here is my blog. 

To update you. 

That I can't blog right now. 

Because I'm much too busy typing unfinished blogs on my phone.