NYC.

I love New York City.

I love the feeling you get as you wait at the corner of a street for the light to change, and then, everyone buzzes across and rushes off to the next corner. 

I love the way Central Park feels on a Saturday afternoon, the way Cafe Lalo feels at midnight, and the way Times Square feels after seeing Les Mis. 

I love it all-- the people, the food, the coffee, the music, and the way the rain hits the pavement. 

One of my favorite things is the subway. 

Ohhhh man, I love it.

The "underground railroad" system in New York City is one of the most unique places in the world. The tunnels truly make up an entirely new city underneath the Big Apple. You can absolutely get lost under there, and sometimes understanding the difference between an express train and a shuttle is impossible, yet thrilling. 

There is something absolutely spectacular about walking up the stairs from the subway and being in the middle of Times Square.

On my first visit, the fast-paced lifestyle in NYC was not easily adapted to... especially coming from a small Western Oklahoma town. Unsure of my whereabouts, I stood with eyes wide open to the world around me.

The whooshing sound grew louder and louder. The people around me made their way to front, checking their watches. The train came racing in, and screeched to a stop.

Ding ding. And the doors open. 

The going and coming and running and shoving and trying to get to somewhere by some time. 

People of all sorts. All ages. All races. All headed to a different destination. 

At one point, I got off the train and just stopped.

There were so many options of where to go next, and I was completely unsure of which one to choose.

As I stood there, everyone else kept going around me. Off to the next place, to catch the next train. They knew where they were going, which made me feel even worse, and even more lost. 

Just like in the subway that day, I am currently unsure of where to go.

Right now I feel the same sense of overwhelming pressure to choose where I should go next. 

I stand and watch as people my age are carrying on with their lives.

They seem so put together. They seem like they know exactly where they are going. 

They have careers. And spouses. And SUV's with carseats. And golden retrievers. And dishtowels in their freshly painted kitchen.

But, here I am--

No dog. No dish towels.

I feel like I’m standing inside Grand Central Station watching as everyone else passes by me and moves from life event to life event, and I'm just stuck.

I don't know what I want to be or where I want to be.

I don’t know which subway to take or which station to get off at or if I should go left or right or ask for help or just stand here in the same spot and yell at the top of my lungs. 

Or, maybe.. Maybe I'm okay doing what I'm doing.

I think everyone needs to experience a subway system in a big city at some point in their life. It's a wake up call to the world around you, and also teaches all sorts of life lessons. 

It teaches that wherever you're going, is your choice, and it truly doesn't matter which train you take or how fast you get there. 

Part of the fun is trying to figure things out. 

That's where I'm at. 

I'm trying to figure things out. 

And, that's okay with me.

So, for now, I think I'll catch the next Red line train to the Upper West side and grab a Sea Salt Caramel Cookie from Magnolia Bakery, and just enjoy being 23.